Knock-Knock Jokes Written by the Three-Year-Old I Babysit

magnoliapearl:

1:

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Tall tall building!

Tall tall building who?

I’m just a building. I don’t even have any name. I think I will just sit still.

2: 

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Poop poop toilet.

Poop poop toilet who?

(CACOPHONOUS GALES OF LAUGHTER)

3: 

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Napkin Pal.

Napkin Pal who?

*screeching* DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME??? I SAID NAPKIN PAL!!!!

4:

Knock Knock!

Who’s there? 

A banana on your head.

A banana on my head who?

Oh, you wouldn’t know my name.

5:

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Everything.

Everything who?

EVERYTHING

Andy Goldsworthy

(Source: lissycposts, via swegener)

opticallyaroused:

Michal Karcz Photography

(via xekstrin)

pansoph:

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’”

(via dingdongyouarewrong)

lokiel-fallen-god:

celesgami:

idpmirtf:

rearadmiral-comsmocock:

can we just take a moment to realize that not only did it paint an elephant it painted it to give the illusion of depth

I love elephants more than anything

#1: read this

It’s a myth that elephants are clever because they can paint. Please don’t think they are gifted or that it’s cute to watch this form of tourist ‘entertainment’. Here’s a few facts you need to know:

Elephants endure months of physical abuse to learn how to hold a paint brush, draw a straight line and paint flowers and leaves on trees


For years they then paint the same repetitive painting over and over again, every single day, sometimes twice or three times a day


When training an elephant to paint, a sharp metal bull hook or nail is used to guide the paintbrush 


When the elephant paints incorrectly they are beaten as punishment, often the hook is rammed into the elephants ear or they are hit on their head or trunk


Look for scars or beatings on the top of an elephants head or trunk from metal bull hooks used to train elephants for human ‘entertainment’

what can we do to stop this abuse?

Please don’t buy elephant paintings, think of the abuse the elephants have endured their entire lives before painting the perfect picture


Please forward this information and tell friends NOT to buy elephant paintings

Visit an online search engine to see video footage of how elephants are taught to paint and you’ll never buy a painting.

#2: stop reblogging this 
please

we need to keep reblogging so people see your comment and know

lokiel-fallen-god:

celesgami:

idpmirtf:

rearadmiral-comsmocock:

can we just take a moment to realize that not only did it paint an elephant it painted it to give the illusion of depth

I love elephants more than anything

#1: read this

It’s a myth that elephants are clever because they can paint. Please don’t think they are gifted or that it’s cute to watch this form of tourist ‘entertainment’. Here’s a few facts you need to know:

  • Elephants endure months of physical abuse to learn how to hold a paint brush, draw a straight line and paint flowers and leaves on trees

  • For years they then paint the same repetitive painting over and over again, every single day, sometimes twice or three times a day

  • When training an elephant to paint, a sharp metal bull hook or nail is used to guide the paintbrush 

  • When the elephant paints incorrectly they are beaten as punishment, often the hook is rammed into the elephants ear or they are hit on their head or trunk

  • Look for scars or beatings on the top of an elephants head or trunk from metal bull hooks used to train elephants for human ‘entertainment’

what can we do to stop this abuse?

  • Please don’t buy elephant paintings, think of the abuse the elephants have endured their entire lives before painting the perfect picture

  • Please forward this information and tell friends NOT to buy elephant paintings

Visit an online search engine to see video footage of how elephants are taught to paint and you’ll never buy a painting.

#2: stop reblogging this 

please

we need to keep reblogging so people see your comment and know

(Source: ForGIFs.com, via ho-ho-my-lad)

umble:

Alright, here’s something funny. These boys in my hall went outside in their undies to take some photos in the snow. Funny, right? They’re trying to get attention and it’s hilarious. Us ladies choose to do the same, we are wearing more clothing, and are doing the exact same poses. We are wearing as much clothing as is acceptable at the pool or the beach, at the gym, etc.  There is a serious double standard here— us girls have gotten responses like:
"What’s the point of being half naked?""*ahem* sluts *ahem*""What’s wrong with you females?"
Or worse, what my mother said. Her initial shock was apparently because she thought I was in my underwear, but when I told her I was in a swimsuit, she was suddenly happy I was having fun in college. The idea here is that we are doing the same thing. When arguing this point with one of my hallmates, he said “But men’s bodies aren’t built the same, you don’t see girls getting pumped up over a topless guy, but how many guys do you think are gonna get all crazy over a topless girl?” Seriously? Really? Women don’t need to dress in order to avoid a reaction from men. You’re mad because you can’t control yourself? Men can pose in their undies in the snow without an issue because women aren’t going to go wild over it? Keep it in your pants, that’s your responsibility, not ours.
The double standards are killin’ me.

umble:

Alright, here’s something funny. These boys in my hall went outside in their undies to take some photos in the snow. Funny, right? They’re trying to get attention and it’s hilarious. Us ladies choose to do the same, we are wearing more clothing, and are doing the exact same poses. We are wearing as much clothing as is acceptable at the pool or the beach, at the gym, etc.  

There is a serious double standard here— us girls have gotten responses like:

"What’s the point of being half naked?"
"*ahem* sluts *ahem*"
"What’s wrong with you females?"

Or worse, what my mother said. Her initial shock was apparently because she thought I was in my underwear, but when I told her I was in a swimsuit, she was suddenly happy I was having fun in college. 

The idea here is that we are doing the same thing. When arguing this point with one of my hallmates, he said “But men’s bodies aren’t built the same, you don’t see girls getting pumped up over a topless guy, but how many guys do you think are gonna get all crazy over a topless girl?” Seriously? Really? Women don’t need to dress in order to avoid a reaction from men. You’re mad because you can’t control yourself? Men can pose in their undies in the snow without an issue because women aren’t going to go wild over it? Keep it in your pants, that’s your responsibility, not ours.


The double standards are killin’ me.

(via mirrorscape)

theartofanimation:

Daniel Danger

‘Slut’ is attacking women for their right to say yes. ‘Friend Zone’ is attacking women for their right to say no.

“… and ‘Bitch’ is attacking women for their right to call you on it.”  (via moldyvoldie)

(Source: emilys-nostalgia, via kateordie)

y0urekillinmesmalls:

geturphilosphyfrmabumprstickr:

Thanks, Obama!

This is my favorite post of all time

(via sanityscraps)

stormchasing12:

red-black-diamonds:


THIS IS THAT SASSY DOG

AHMAHGOD

THIS IS THE BEST POST I’VE EVER SEEN. CAN’T BREATHE

stormchasing12:

red-black-diamonds:

THIS IS THAT SASSY DOG
image

AHMAHGOD
image

THIS IS THE BEST POST I’VE EVER SEEN. CAN’T BREATHE

(Source: gusto1.com, via thepoliticalfreakshow)